when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
