3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
