just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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