i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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