So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
