i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
