The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
