watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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