when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Buhtt sex?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
