Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
