I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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