Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
