he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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