I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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