Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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