I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
