if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
