She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This toilet bowl is my home.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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