Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
