i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
