You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
