I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
