So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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