She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
