Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
