Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
