Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
