is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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