I wish i was in the wii world.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
