Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
