winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
