You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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