So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
