I love watching others lives come down to our level.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
