i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
