Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
