made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
why is half of my head shaved?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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