You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
