Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
