i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
