dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
