Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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