I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
