told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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