The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
