Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
