Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
