So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I stole a fireplace last night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
