i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
