Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
