I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
