He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
