My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
